6
th August 4pm I gave in to the temptation of cigarette. A good 8 days for nicotine free body had been polluted, once again.
I was under a lot of pressure from writing my final report and yes you can call that an excuse. I was reading the assessment
criteria and realize that technical content constitute 40% and for the matter of fact, my report was not written in technical aspect at all. Mine sort of like learning experience narration.
I was really confused about how to write my report, should I write it the way the lecturer wants it or should I write it in the way which I think its best for me? You must be disgusted with the fact I took the report so seriously. But I really feels the weight on my shoulder, when you are at the top, you had more expectation and you don't really want to be a let down. Failure no longer is an option. And failure in this case does not the 50% benchmark but it simply means not achieving whatever you wanted to achieve.
So I asked Raj to spare me a stick. I wanted a quick fix. The cigarette's effect took couple of seconds to reach my brain and all the wonderful effect came back again. We call it '
soink' (refer to the state of unconsciousness of oneself through effect of drug). "
Soink" is our slang, not a lot of people know what it means. I hate to admit but it really feels good. Half way through, a lot of thoughts went through my mind, like thoughts of regret. I didn't finish the cigarette, left 20%. Ya I know I almost finished one stick but then I threw it away. I felt guilty and I threw my lighter as well.
Walking back to office still feeling gaga, I went into the toilet and I felt like confessing to someone/something. I went inside the cubicle and reflects. I think I need to get a religion. Because it seems that I had a problem keeping up with faith. My mind is so weak and I give in to so many things. Perseverance. Yes that's what I lack.
You know the hardest thing for me is that my parents are smoking, and now imagine all the cigarettes laying around. I had to fight the little craving everytime I see them. At least in Australia, I don't buy cigarette and hence no temptations.

Hmmm, when I come back I going to play a sport. Join a religion and call the quit line. I seriously needs help.